...Summer is here!

This year, in the final few days of parliament, Theresa May was hard at work demonstrating her ability to do 'boy jobs'  by chucking out a series of controversial policies at the same time as the BBC were conveniently covering their own problems.  Chris Evans how much? Increase in the pension age. Gary Linekar what? HS2 will cost  even more. Why the salary inequality? 

MPs now have a good seven weeks to do as they please.





Theresa May is going for a walk. She may be some time (three weeks). She can walk but she can't hide.






Jeremy Corbyn plans to march on to Scotland with his band of Many Men over August. His new-found confidence will take him north of the wall where he will target seats from SNP leader, Nicola Sturgeon. "Freedom!" shouts Nicola Sturgeon but no one is really listening to her anymore, and Alex Salmond is out of action after he became wounded during the last battle.





Boris Johnson will likely be spending the Summer entertaining and casually offending Europe. He's really mad that he's not allowed on Twitter to do this, he jovially moans to guests at his party.





Michael Gove could be up to anything over the summer. The chances are that he'll be up to something.




George 'Revenge' Osborne will likely continue to stir up trouble from the safe distance of his editorial desk. Hell hath no fury as a chancellor scorned.





David Davis,  Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, is probably going to take it easy over the summer. As he has done for the past four months. 


Vince Cable (the new/old leader of the Liberal Democrats) was last seen in a confused, slightly delirious, state claiming to be the next Macron and muttering something abut an "exit from Brexit". He seems to have forgotten about the failure of this policy to win votes by his predecessor, Tim Fallon (who subsequently turned to God). His memory is not what it used to be, and he'll most likely be spending the summer playing bingo.




Meanwhile the Brexit clock will keep ticking until 5th September...

The Tory approach to the issue of an ageing population

1. Make cuts to public services. Sell off public assets to private investors. 



2. Make friends with private investors. 




3. Ignore the deficit if he's still refusing to go anywhere anytime soon.



4. Make The Many work for longer by raising the pension age. The Few enjoy retirement by earning vast amounts of money visiting old friends.



5. Ongoing cuts and inadequate funding to health care and social services result in life expectancy levelling out.

... Problem solved.

JAM Dodgers - part 1

Theresa May still says "we all have to live within our means".

But that just means that she means that she's going to be mean, and that only she can use the money from her secret magic money tree... 

"Hello, I'd like to exchange these magic notes into 10 votes please, I'm going to buy myself some extra time" she explained. "Well, the exchange rate isn't very good, are you sure?" asked the man behind the desk. She was surer than ever and invited her new friends to attend her Nasty Party.

Meanwhile, there was far too much JAM ('Just About Managing' - Theresa's acronym, not mine) in the UK. Theresa May even took some to the States, "I made this!" she exclaimed to the First Lady.

Ed Balls now had to dance to make a living. Things were looking bleak for society. And televised entertainment.

Only David Cameron and George 'Revenge' Osbourne were still riding high on the waves of Austerity. "They're all just selfish," shouted Cameron.  George 'Revenge' Osbourne had a smug look on his face - he had more jobs than most people earned pounds per hour. 

But then something completely unexpected happened - the JAM began to grow larger and angrier, quickly spreading towards the Nasty Party. Meanwhile, Amber Rudd was still trying to come to terms with the truth about the magic money tree. Reality can be hard sometimes.

The Nasty Party suddenly became aware of the imminent danger they were in. Theresa May remained strong and stable - quickly swinging into action to reveal an escape route she had planned as a naughty child.

But... Will it be enough? Just how many fields did she run through - will the naughty minx be able lead the Nasty Party out of danger? Will Amber Rudd come back to reality in time to dodge the encroaching JAM and escape? 

Maybe we'll find out some other time...