Roses are red

At the Black and White Ball, Theresa May triumphantly announced that we will ‘defeat socialism today, as we have defeated it before!’.  

The annual Conservative Party fundraising event  was held at the Natural History Museum so the attendees were quite at home.

Costing over £10,000 a table to attend the event, the Tory elite auctioned themselves off at the annual fundraiser. Concerns about the menu sadly meant that lunch with Liam Fox only raised £2000.

To show she means business in her war against socialism, the following day Theresa May’s Conservatives announced a new cap on free school meals on families with a net income of over £7,400 a year. Fortunately, it will only take one family two years with no food, rent, bills or clothes to buy a table so they can raise the issue at the Black and White Ball in 2020.

Jacob Rees-Mogg doesn’t just dislike poor British people. Jacob Rees-Mogg dislikes all poor people worldwide. So he proudly delivered his little petition to end the 0.7% foreign aid ‘madness’ to Number 10. 

The Maybot was hacked again. Despite all analysis (including her own) indicating that leaving the Customs Union will be the most damaging for the people of the UK, Maybot defiantly announced that we are leaving the Customs Union.

Which prompted the Japanese Ambassador, Koji Tsuruoka, to explain that Japanese business, and business in general, would be unable to manufacture in the UK if there’s no profitability. 

Our Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, disagrees though. He says stopping Brexit would be ‘disastrous’ and he’s been calling for a ‘United Kingdom’. Which is slightly perplexing, as Boris Johnson is directly responsible for un-uniting the United Kingdom. 

Michael Barnier, the EU chief negotiator, explained that the EU has begun to draft plans for a hard border, between Ireland and Northern Ireland if the UK does leave the Customs Union. ‘It’s important to tell the truth,’ said Michel Barnier. Unfortunately  it’s unlikely Boris Johnson was listening.

David Davis is terribly upset. He thinks the EU are being ‘political’ and ‘frankly discourteous’ in considering sanctioning the UK if it breaches EU terms during any transition period. Michel Barnier replied ‘it’s totally foreign to my state of mind,’ which, coincidentally, is also how most of the UK feel about David Davis.

Finally, symbolic of the Government’s black and withered heart, last week the DWP threateningly wished everyone a ‘happy Valentine’s day’ with their tweet: ‘Claiming to be living alone is one of the most common types of benefit fraud – don’t ruin #ValentinesDay by failing to declare your true circumstances’. Valentines day or not, the true circumstances of many disabled people, workers, and pensioners are currently rather ‘grave’, and then there’s that ‘human catastrophe’ the UN previously declared in case you missed it DWP.  Big love to you too.