Roses are red

At the Black and White Ball, Theresa May triumphantly announced that we will ‘defeat socialism today, as we have defeated it before!’.  

The annual Conservative Party fundraising event  was held at the Natural History Museum so the attendees were quite at home.

Costing over £10,000 a table to attend the event, the Tory elite auctioned themselves off at the annual fundraiser. Concerns about the menu sadly meant that lunch with Liam Fox only raised £2000.

To show she means business in her war against socialism, the following day Theresa May’s Conservatives announced a new cap on free school meals on families with a net income of over £7,400 a year. Fortunately, it will only take one family two years with no food, rent, bills or clothes to buy a table so they can raise the issue at the Black and White Ball in 2020.

Jacob Rees-Mogg doesn’t just dislike poor British people. Jacob Rees-Mogg dislikes all poor people worldwide. So he proudly delivered his little petition to end the 0.7% foreign aid ‘madness’ to Number 10. 

The Maybot was hacked again. Despite all analysis (including her own) indicating that leaving the Customs Union will be the most damaging for the people of the UK, Maybot defiantly announced that we are leaving the Customs Union.

Which prompted the Japanese Ambassador, Koji Tsuruoka, to explain that Japanese business, and business in general, would be unable to manufacture in the UK if there’s no profitability. 

Our Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, disagrees though. He says stopping Brexit would be ‘disastrous’ and he’s been calling for a ‘United Kingdom’. Which is slightly perplexing, as Boris Johnson is directly responsible for un-uniting the United Kingdom. 

Michael Barnier, the EU chief negotiator, explained that the EU has begun to draft plans for a hard border, between Ireland and Northern Ireland if the UK does leave the Customs Union. ‘It’s important to tell the truth,’ said Michel Barnier. Unfortunately  it’s unlikely Boris Johnson was listening.

David Davis is terribly upset. He thinks the EU are being ‘political’ and ‘frankly discourteous’ in considering sanctioning the UK if it breaches EU terms during any transition period. Michel Barnier replied ‘it’s totally foreign to my state of mind,’ which, coincidentally, is also how most of the UK feel about David Davis.

Finally, symbolic of the Government’s black and withered heart, last week the DWP threateningly wished everyone a ‘happy Valentine’s day’ with their tweet: ‘Claiming to be living alone is one of the most common types of benefit fraud – don’t ruin #ValentinesDay by failing to declare your true circumstances’. Valentines day or not, the true circumstances of many disabled people, workers, and pensioners are currently rather ‘grave’, and then there’s that ‘human catastrophe’ the UN previously declared in case you missed it DWP.  Big love to you too. 

Brexit checkmate for Theresa May

It seems that Theresa May is in Brexit checkmate. Her government report leaked this week forecast that Britain will be worse off with any form of Brexit and that, in a ‘no deal’ scenario, economic growth could fall by 8%. 18 months into Theresa May’s leadership and her party is more divided than ever though, and they still lack any viable consensus or strategy on Brexit. Theresa May’s MPs are getting unruly, fearlessly announcing their (often opposing) demands and visionary ideas to the public. She’s lost control, and they’re starting to close in on her.

Boris Johnson goes where he wants and says what he wants. He’s back in the game and right in Theresa May’s face. Lurking nearby, Michael ‘Govey’ Gove insists he’s playing it straight these days. It’s probably going to take more than a pet-name to fix that reputation.

Philip Hammond caused fury by suggesting the UK should seek ‘modest’ changes with our relationship with the EU, who he previously called ‘the enemy’. Apparently, he has a new enemy these days in the form of Gavin Williamson. Gavin Williamson is moving quickly though — his eyes are on the top job and his kissing days are over.

Unfortunately for Theresa May, extreme circumstances forced out Damian Green and David Davis seems completely unaware that he should be doing anything at all. Jeremy Hunt also has little time for Brexit, as he’s busy orchestrating his mass NHS (and social care) sell-off before his time as Health (and Social Care) Secretary runs out. 

Jacob Rees Mogg is poised to lunge on the Brexit attack in public wherever and whenever he’s needed. He’s been busy waving his fencing sword around like it was 1799 and shouting something about ‘hope and unity’, as well as something else irrelevant in Latin. It would seem that he has quite a dislike for some EU Directives. 

Meanwhile, as the chaos ensues, Nigel Farage — the trouble starter and Brexit instigator — is laughing from afar waving a slightly drunk two fingers at Theresa May. Even Angela Merkel, a woman not known for her humour, is now making jokes about Theresa May’s Brexit negotiating skills. 

Theresa May once helpfully explained that ‘Brexit means Brexit’ but, as she’s now finding out, it’s not really that simple. There’s a feeling of discontent in the winter air. It looks like there’s no way out of this one Theresa May. Checkmate…

Dark days — 'progressive' eugenics, sterilisation & human rights

In the past few weeks some dark ideologies and, some might say, an underlying hidden agenda of some members of the Conservative party have been exposed.

On the 9th of January, Toby Young had to resign from his new post at the Office for Students. He tried his best to delete 50,000 of his 'stains' from twitter, although his past comments came back to haunt him — disabled 'troglodytes', working-class student 'stains' and his teenage-like obsession with women's breasts. His friends came out in force to defend him including Prime Minister Theresa May, Boris Johnson (who claimed he was the 'ideal' man for the job), Jo Johnson and Michael Gove. Unfortunately for Toby Young, it also transpired that he had attended a eugenics conference with several questionable attendees, including one who advocates drugging children before abusing them. He tried to defend his attendance as a 'journalist', and also claimed his previous comments were 'sophomoric'. Which was  slightly confusing, as he was in his mid 40's when he made the comments, leading some to believe that perhaps his own emotional development has been somewhat stunted. 

Ben Bradley was recently promoted by Theresa May to Vice Chair of the Conservative Party, with the responsiblilty of reconnecting the party with younger voters. He was in the news this week for his ideas on sterilising the unemployed, as (in his words) we'll be 'drowning in a vast sea of unemployed wasters that we pay to keep'. He apologised by saying that his 'language was not appropriate', but notably not for his proposed idea of 'free' vasectomies for 'wasters'. It is currently unknown whether the recently unemployed members of Theresa May's cabinet would also be expected to go through the procedure. 

Esther McVey was also recently appointed back to the DWP as the new Work and Pensions Secretary. She's pro-foodbanks and pro-sanctions, and happily removed as much disability support as she could in her last stint at the department. Her previous policies have been linked to suicides and premature deaths, as well as unnecessary destitution. In Frances Ryan's words, her appointment 'is an insult to disabled people'.

Let's also not forget Activate — 'an independent organisation creating a united platform for young conservatives and returning power to the grassroots'. In August 2017, a shocking WhatsApp group conversation was leaked. 'Gassing chavs', 'shooting peasants' and conducting 'experiments [on the poor] to see why they breed so much' all featured in the young conservative grassroots brainstorm.

In August 2017, the Government was also criticised by the UN, who claimed their austerity policies have created a 'human catastrophe' for the disabled, and that welfare cuts have resulted in 'grave and systematic violations' of the rights of the disabled. A study published in the British Medical Journal linked 120,000 deaths to the Government's austerity policies — termed 'economic murder'. Our health and social care is in meltdown. Life expectancy has levelled off, and the Government show no signs of doing anything to address these issues. Sadly, it seems that killing off the poor and vulnerable, as well as sterilisation of the unemployed and 'progressive eugenics', is quite possibly a hidden agenda for our Conservative government. 

The final nail in the coffin this week was the Conservative vote not to maintain the EU charter of Human Rights after Brexit. This would leave the Government free to continue their attack on the poor, disabled and unemployed. Enough is enough — if a dystopian future society full of Toby Youngs, Ben Bradleys and Esther McVeys isn't enough to frighten and anger voters to put an end to this 'economic murder' then we have no hope...

Theresa May's duff reshuffle

Last week Theresa May let her cabinet reshuffle itself. 

Jeremy Hunt apparently had a little cry when Theresa May tried to move him to Business so Theresa promoted him, and now he gets social care to privatise too. 

Justine Greening refused to be moved to the toxic DWP, and resigned. She was last spotted in Parliament sitting in the naughty corner with Anna Soubry and Nicky Morgan.

Theresa May claimed the reshuffle is 'bringing fresh talent into Government, boosting delivery in key policy areas like housing, health and social care.' We currently have a housing crisis, a health crisis, and a crisis in social care. Despite this, Theresa May kept the same housing and health ministers, and even promoted Jeremy Hunt by giving him social care as well. 

Theresa May also claimed to be 'ensuring the Government looks more like the country it serves'. On first glance it doesn't really look like that though...

A grim start to 2018

This week, Jeremy Hunt's 'careful planning' sent the NHS in meltdown. On Wednesday, Theresa May proudly claimed 'there is no crisis' in the NHS. On Thursday she apologised for the crisis in the NHS. Then she posed for photographs with terrified bed-bound patients who were unable to escape.

A poll found that more than half of Tory activists support the death penalty. Which came as no surprise as they've been diligently killing off 100,000s of our most vulnerable for years now.

Worried that the rest of the world might see how our government treats those in need, Simon Dudley (who has been accused of not building any affordable housing since 1999, and a paid director of a government agency that’s supposed to be helping the homeless) told the homeless to stay away from Windsor when Prince Harry (who himself relies on the public for his own housing needs) gets married. 

Chris Grayling, Secretary of State for Transport, bailed out privatised companies with £2 billion, while allowing train operators to substantially increase fares. The public were angry, so Chris Grayling ran away to Qatar, and then to Turkey to demonstrate that he does know a little about transport. His next destination is currently unknown. 

At 1 minute after midnight on New Years Day (when they thought no one was looking) the government announced a new role on the board of the Office for Students for Toby Young, who was sadly unable to get into University by himself (Daddy had to ring up the tutor at Oxford University). A man with the 'caustic wit' of an hormonal 13 year old boy, and a similar obsession with breasts. A proponent of eugenics, a bully of the disabled, and a man who calls working class students 'stains'. Toby Young knows a lot about stains, as he hurriedly deleted almost 50,000 of his own stains from twitter... 

The lies and the lows of 2017

2017 was a turbulent year for Theresa May.  Previously Theresa May fought off competition from Michael Gove, Boris Johnson and Andrea Leadsom to become leader, after David Cameron unnecessarily sent the UK toward a path of self-destruction. Theresa May was in charge now. She started wearing bigger and bigger necklaces as her confidence grew. 

At the end of March 2017, Theresa May triggered Article 50 — setting the clock ticking for the UK to leave the EU within two years. 'Brexit means Brexit! Brexit means Brexit!' she chanted. The EU began to make preparations for the upcoming negotiations. 

On 8th April 2017, Theresa May announced a snap election. 'I can be a bloody difficult woman' she taunted, as she proceeded to ignore her European counterparts as she focused her efforts on the upcoming UK election.

But what she hadn't realised was that Jeremy Corbyn was gathering his Many Men (and Women) at a fast pace. On the 8th June 2017, seven years of austerity, continuing cuts to public services, and a campaign based on three words, would result in Theresa May loosing her majority in government. Theresa May had a little cry. Allegedly.

It was time for Theresa May to find some magic money and ten new Irish friends.

For a bit of a laugh, and to cheer herself up, in July 2017 (four months into the Brexit negotiating period) Theresa May sent David Davis to begin negotiations with the EU.

  

On 21 July 2017, as MPs begin their summer holidays, Theresa May said she was 'going for a walk'. Sometimes that's when she's at her most dangerous.

Back in Parliament, in September, it became clear that the DUP were not to be trusted after an embarrassing defeat on lifting the pay cap. Tory Whips instructed MPs not to bother attending Parliament for any upcoming opposition vote. 

Andrea Leadsom kindly explained that MPs will reply with a written statement within 12 weeks instead of attending the debate. Leaving the government free to continue transforming lives in the meantime. 

Theresa may decided she wanted more power in September. Like Henry the 8th.

In October, Theresa May provided the UK with some much needed entertainment during her conference speech. 

The release on the Paradise papers in early November showed that the government has done little to tackle tax avoidance. However, the EU 'Anti Tax Avoidance Directive' comes into effect in early 2019...

Prompting Theresa May to proudly announce her Brexit party (11pm on 29th March 2019) for her friends, who will now get to keep their little piece of Paradise. 

In November, a tell-tale sleaze list of parliamentary gossip detailed inappropriateness, impregnation, handsy behaviour, non-disclosure agreements, perpetual intoxication, prostitutes, and odd sexual penchants in the Conservative party. Unfortunately for Theresa May, Damian 'Ashley Madison'  Green, First Secretary of State — an old University friend and close ally, featured on the list. 

Philip Hammond released his budget. It wasn't really 'fit for the future' for most people, and he seemed to omit social care completely. With the well-documented rise in living costs, Philip Hammond very cleverly kept his freeze on benefits quiet. 

Philip Hammond was so confident of his budget he took the unusual move to block any amendments. 

David Davis was in trouble for not producing documents he said he had on Brexit. As Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, he has one of the most important roles in recent history. He says he 'doesn't have to be clever to do his job'. 

Theresa May's government began to fall. Theresa May dramatically lost Damian Green under 'extreme' circumstances. 

Cabinet meetings are not what they used to be.

In December, as temperatures plummeted,  the rise in homelessness was bought to Theresa May's attention. An MP explained that there would be 2500 homeless children in her constituency this Christmas. Theresa May was furious 'unless they're sleeping on the streets no child is homeless,' she spat angrily as she wagged her finger. 

2017 was a shocking year for UK politics. Politics is changing though. Which is good, as it's difficult to see how it could get much worse...