Welcome back Theresa May-here's what you've missed...

I hope you had an excellent walking holiday in Italy Theresa May. I've compiled a short guide to help explain some of the recent developments for you when you get back to work later this week:

1. Your Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, requested a private bathroom in his office at the cost of £44,000 to the taxpayer. The many NHS patients who have been left on trolleys in hospital corridors will surely understand his need for privacy. "Let's encourage cyclists!" he eagerly declared (in a bizarre bid to swerve any criticism regarding austerity).

2. The Department of Health also came under further criticism for the rapid 'fire-sale' of NHS land. Analysis for Labour showed that one fifth of the plots are still in use and, importantly, there are no details for of over half the area (1332 hectares) up-for-grabs owing to "sensitivity" issues. I'm afraid the 'cat is out of the bag' on this one Theresa May, as the saying goes... 



3. The Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) has been doing an excellent job continuing to bully the disabled, workers and pensioners. 


 4. An update on the continued position of austerity on the public sector is as follows:

a. NHS: underfunded; understaffed; near breaking point.

b. Education: underfunded; understaffed; near breaking point.

c. Fire Servies: underfunded; understaffed; near breaking point.

d. Prison services: underfunded; understaffed; near breaking point.

e. Job Centres: underfunded; understaffed; near breaking point.

5. Progress on Brexit has been limited. 

6. Jacob Rees-Mogg (the super-rich one who thinks it's appropriate to waste parliament's time by 'filibustering', and who received £7.6 million pounds from the Chancellor to repair his wife's 350-room ancestral home despite voting for further £30-a-week disability cuts and for the bedroom tax) has been discussing a potential leadership bid. He's now the frontrunner to take over as Tory leader, and he has friends in high places...

 7. Jeremy Corbyn has been on the march with his Many taking aim at marginal seats, and also helping to carry pushchairs up steps. 

8. Finally, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un have been threatening to nuke each other, and Boris Johnson (as your chosen Foreign Secretary) has rather clumsily entered the fray. You might want to visit your friend Donald Trump soon. If you hold both his hands this time, he won't be able to press that red button...

Welcome back Theresa May. It looks like you're going to be busy...