Friday 21 July 2017

July 2016 - July 2017: Happy Anniversary Theresa May!


It seems like it was only yesterday that David Cameron was gleefully skipping away from Number 10. At the age of only 49, unlike the rest of us, he was looking forward to an early retirement after his most notable achievement - sending the UK into a chaotic and uncertain future. 




In July 2016, Theresa May fought off competition from Michael 'surprise!' Gove, Boris 'de Pfeffel' Johnson and Andrea 'I've had babies' Leadsom to become the next Prime Minister of the UK. Theresa May sacked George Osborne and Michael Gove for misbehaving. And then surprised everyone by appointing Boris as Foreign Secretary, demonstrating that she does have a sense of humour after all.




George Osborne quickly assumed a new identity as a newspaper editor - 'Revenge'. Using his new powers, in a rather uncharacteristic display of transparency, he began to publicly attack Theresa May. 




At the end of March 2017, Theresa May triggered Article 50 - setting the clock ticking for the UK to leave the EU within two years. "Brexit means Brexit! Brexit means Brexit!" she chanted. The EU began to make preparations for the upcoming negotiations. 





On 8th April 2017, Theresa May announced a snap election. "I can be a bloody difficult woman" she taunted, as she proceeded to ignore her European counterparts and focused her efforts on the upcoming UK election. 



But what she hadn't realised was that Jeremy Corbyn was gathering his Many Men (and Women) at a fast pace. On the 8th June 2017, seven years of austerity, continuing cuts to public services, and a campaign based on three words, would result in Theresa May loosing her majority in government, and new old labour obtaining Momentum. Jeremy Corbyn has gained confidence and sometimes he wears a tie.




It was time for Theresa May to find some magic money and ten new Irish friends.


Meanwhile, Jacob Rees-Mogg starts making an increasing number of public appearances. No one knows where he came from. But it's unlikely he grew up on a council estate.



In June 2017, Michael Gove found himself invited back to the front benches. Nothing to do with Rupert Murdoch. "Who's he again?" enquired Michael Gove.





In July 2017, 4 months into the Brexit negotiating period, David Davis is sent in to begin negotiations with the EU (there's that sense of humour again). "Bloody difficult?!" snorted one MEP to another, "it's impossible!".




On the 18th July 2017, Theresa May has to tell ministers off for a series of leaks to the press. Michael Gove was suspiciously quiet around this period. 





On 21 July 2017, as MPs begin their summer holidays, Theresa May was last quoted saying she was 'going for a walk'... 




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