Three weeks. Three party conferences. One creepy wink.

Over the past few weeks the Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrat conferences have taken place. This year these conferences have been even more important than usual given the current problems the UK faces: the implications of ongoing austerity, a failing economy and a complete lack of progress six months into the Brexit negotiation process. Usually, these conferences give each party the opportunity to showcase their policies, to outline progress made, and to promote a positive outlook for the future of our country. The outcomes of the three conferences have never been so different though...

Vince Cable addressed the Liberal Democrat conference on the 19th September. Possibly not the most captivating of the three speeches, although he was wearing a rather exciting tie. He began by outlining that his speech was to those "who don't know what we stand for, or think we're irrelevant" and then spent the first 13 minutes raking over the past, leaving some still a little confused. "What this country needs is hope and realism" he proudly proclaimed. The next day Vince Cable was pictured wearing a silly hat and winking creepily at people. 

The Labour conference was held in Brighton with Jeremy Corbyn's speech on the 27th September.  He began by outlining some of the Conservative policies that have been overturned, including the reintroduction of fox hunting. Unfortunately he also tried to sing at one point. 

Policies included guaranteeing EU citizen rights, taking utilities back into public ownership, housing ("houses should be homes for the Many, not speculative investments for the few"), scrapping the public sector pay freeze, automatic organ donation (introduced in Wales already by Carwyn Jones), and establishing a 'National Education Service' (necessary he says for facing the challenge of automation in the near future). On the issue of Brexit he claimed that Labour are "ready to build a new progressive relationship with Europe".

The Conservative conference was held in Manchester with the keynote speech from Theresa May on the 4th October. Theresa May entered the stage to ‘You’ve Got The Love’ by Florence and the Machine after her introduction — a voiceover to the song “This Is What You Came For” by Calvin Harris (both Calvin Harris and Florence Welch subsequently condemned the use of their songs). In a dramatic twist of events, problems faced by society were played-out with astonishing accuracy. Representing the the cost-effectiveness of many private for-profit companies, security (including vetting of attendees) of the conference (awarded to G4S, despite a number of controversies) was breached by a comedian well-known for similar 'pranks', and who registered for the conference under his own name. He managed to approach Theresa May to hand her a mock 'P45' document before being escorted out of the venue. 

Acutely representing an underfunded NHS (and likely the DWP forcing her into work that day), illness made it difficult for Theresa May's voice to be heard. Symbolic of a false economy, letters fell off the backdrop during Theresa May's speech — next time they might spend more. 

Policies from Theresa May included more free schools "because they work" (the education system moves rapidly in the UK. Only four months ago we needed more Grammar schools because they work), a freeze in (very recently increased) graduate tuition fees,  and 5,000 new homes a year, which will most certainly please the 100,000 who have been on the waiting list for over five years.

Theresa May made it to the end, despite the ongoing nightmare, and exited to  the Lenny Kravitz song 'Are you going to go my way?' She's also since promised to "prove the doomsayers wrong" but it's unknown if she has a map on her currently.